Seinfeld - The Fix-up

... funny scene from the Seinfeld DVD I saw yesterday. Courtesy of www.seinfeldscripts.com.

Jerry and George are in Jerry's apartment. . [George doesn't like the idea of fixing Jerry fixing him up with Elaine's friend Cynthia]

George: Out of the question. Out of the question!
Jerry: Why?
George: No! I'm not gonna do that! That's one step away from personal ads! And prostitutes! No! No, I am not going down that road! What does she looklike?
Jerry: She's good looking.
George: How good looking?
Jerry: Very good looking.
George: Really good looking?
Jerry: Really very good looking.
George: Would you take her out?
Jerry: Yes, I would take her out.
George: Oh, you hesitated.
Jerry: What hesitate? I didn't hesitate!
George: No, something's off here, you hesitated.
Jerry: I'm telling you, she's good looking.
George: What about the body, what kind of body?
Jerry: Good body, nice body.
George: How nice?
Jerry: Nice.
George: Just nice?
Jerry: Pretty nice.
George: Really good?
Jerry: Really very nice and good.
George: What about personality?
Jerry: Good personality. Funny. Bright.
George: Smarter than me? I don't want anyone smarter than me.
Jerry: How could she be smarter than you?
George: Alright, let's see, let's see. What else. What else. Oh yeah, what does she do?

New scene. Elaine and Cynthia are having a similar discussion.

Cynthia: First of all, what does he do?
Elaine: He was in real estate, um, now, he's not working right now-
Cynthia: He's not working?! How come he's not working?
Elaine: Well, um, he, he got fired.
Cynthia: Why did he get fired?
Elaine: Uh. Why? Oh, right. Um, well, he tried to poison his boss.
Cynthia: Excuse me?
Elaine: Such a long story, Cynthia, seriously, I mean he just had some problems at work.
Cynthia: Is he nuts?
Elaine: No, no, no, he's a really really funny guy.
Cynthia: What does he look like?
Elaine [pretends not to hear, George ain't exactly good looking]: Pardon?
Cynthia: What does he look like?
Elaine: Um, well, he's got a lot of character in his face. Um, he's short. Um, he's stocky.
Cynthia: Fat. Is that what you're saying, that he's fat?
Elaine: Powerful. He is so powerful, he can lift a hundred pounds right upover his head. And um, what else. What else. Oh, right. Um, well, he's kindof, just kind of losing his hair.
Cynthia: He's bald?
Elaine: No! No, no, no, he's not bald. He's balding.
Cynthia: So he will be bald.
Elaine: Yup.

Cut back to Jerry and George.

George: What kind of hair?
Jerry: You know, long dark hair.
George: Flowing?
Jerry: Flowing?
George: Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick lustrous hair is very important to me.
Jerry: 'Thick lustrous hair is very important to me,' is that what you said?
George: Yeah, that's right.
Jerry: Just clarifying.
George: Let me ask you this. If you stick your hand in the hair is it easy to get it out?
Jerry: Do you want to be able to get it out or do you want to not be able to get it out?
George: I'd like to be able to get it out.
Jerry: I think you'll get it out.
George: What about the skin? I need a good cheek, I like a good cheek.
Jerry: She's got a fine cheek.
George: Is there a pinkish hue?
Jerry: A pinkish hue?
George: Yes, a rosy glow.
Jerry: There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows, women kill to have hereyebrows.
George: Who cares about eyebrows?
Is she sweet? I like sweet. But not toosweet, you could throw up from that.
Jerry: I don't think you'll throw up. *She* likes to throw up.

Cut back to Elaine and Cynthia.

Cynthia: Has he ever been married?
Elaine: No.
Cynthia: Has he been close?
Elaine [a little desperately]: He once spent a weekend with a woman.
Cynthia: He didn't really try to poison his boss?
Elaine: Yeah, he did.